Photo by Abigail Keenan on Unsplash

Trying to sleep last night without ruminating through what might have been had already become tiresome. Losing sleep over exhausting thought patterns leads to the continuation of a fatigued existence. Raise your hand if you recognize this cycle.

Something made me switch to asking questions. Doing so led me to ask, inevitably, “Why?” Why do I continue to practice this self-defeating behavior? What do I have to learn by doing this?

Thinking back on the events of the day (Saturday, February 2, 2019), I reminded myself that I had just watched a video on how to recover from an “addiction to bullshit thoughts and emotions” which led to other websites on similar topics. This thought helped to guide me away from my usual pattern. In fact, this thought started me thinking about a brighter future and steps I might take to create that for myself. And simply, I started down a path to enlightenment, once again.

Disclaimer: Links to articles and videos in this story are created for my own selfish need of reminders and should not be considered an endorsement of any source or website.

In the aforementioned video, Owen Cook (aka RSD Tyler) mentions a number of resources, not the least of which is Eckhart Tolle, author of “The Power of Now.” This led me to think about the present and how this moment is all we really have to plan and create a better future. Are you still with me?

Answers came. One answer was simply that the first question is irrelevant. Trying to understand why you do something leads to a review of past behavior, which is more of the same kind of thinking. The next question is the better of the two, “What do I have to learn?” This suggests using the present to build a better future version of yourself, which is to say that learning is one of the best forms of self-help and it is available in almost every moment if you train your mind to be open to new ideas. In other words, replace old habits and destructive thought patterns with new ones. I imagine crowding out the old thoughts by filling my mind completely with new ideas and information.

In the past, I might have put some effort into backtracking through my actions to determine how I had come to find the video mentioned above. Today, I’m not doing that. Today, while clearing out my email, I found one message with a link to a podcast on Mindvalley, where Tom Chi discusses God’s existence. Not surprisingly, Tom basically says the same thing I have felt for years, that God exists because we think so (universal consciousness). By that measure, and depending on your sense of scale and “oneness with the universe” you are either a part of God or you ARE God. Either way, I believe in you. And I’m going to continue to work diligently toward restoring my faith in myself.

This is Sunday and I’ve missed an opportunity to attend service at the local center for spirituality. Writing this article and continuing my work now seems to have been the greater thing to do.


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