Before starting this work, I searched my computer files, to see if I had already written on this topic. I had. It was just over five years ago, now. I’ll include that little opus at the end of this.
Being alone has its perks. You can do what you want with your time. If you want to listen to music, watch TV, and write, all at the same time, you can, with no interruptions. I’m an input junkie at times and am pretty sure I could not, would not, be doing this if anyone else were around.
Loneliness, however, is rooted in a longing for someone to hear your words, read your body language, and respond. There is a warmth in the energy that comes from just having someone else nearby. These days, I’m learning to find new words to describe my emotions. Loneliness was the first one I’ve used liberally to explain some of my past behavior. Today it drives some of my thinking but not so much my actions. Which is to say, I’m getting used to it. As in, I welcome the needs of my dog. At least I have someone to care for when she expresses her desires.
Wanting to not turn this into one long and boring lament, I’m going to refrain from telling you too much about all the things I’m doing to keep my mind busy and avoid my feelings. I will tell you about the things I am doing to acknowledge my pain and work right through it. Here we go, with a list.
I’m studying psychology.
I’m working hard to learn Forex trading.
I’m making time for my little dog, Angel. Taking her for a walk daily forces me to get just a little exercise and plenty of fresh air.
I’m writing. Sometimes, I’m writing about writing.
I’m learning how to be a good neighbor and a better friend. It’s good to know you can be there for someone and that someone is there for you. I’ve met more neighbors with my dog walking ventures.
I’m putting a lot of effort into breaking bad habits, letting go of past pain, and dropping the weight of baggage and long-carried grudges.
So, there are six things I’m doing to stave off the pain of loneliness. I had hoped to have more to offer on the topic of that emotion, but now I see I have simply done more of the same things I’ve always done to avoid feeling my feelings.
I said I would write. So now I have. I do feel better. Thanks for reading. If you want more of me, click into http://rouleywrites.com and you’ll have more than anyone can manage. I’m boring and repetitive, formulaic and predictable. How’s that for self-promotion?
This middle of winter stuff can be so cold, even in Palm Desert. Enjoy!
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That Little Opus — From an earlier time:
Is This Thing On? Check, one, two!
Posted on December 22, 2012, by Brian Rouley
As the snow drifts silently on the tall pines surrounding me, I long for the comfort of company. Out here in the cold, loneliness compounds the pain of the biting wind against my face. No comfort from layers of clothing can compare to the warmth of a friend’s voice.
Just reminiscing about my days as a tree trimmer in the bitterness of winters in Illinois….
Seriously, if you’ve read this far, I appreciate it.