Thank you for sharing this. It is just the kind of 20/20 vision we all have when we see and come to realize why something is so and how we arrived at this place in our lives. Perhaps it is time to be your own hero.
On April 1st of this year, I wrote a piece about all the things I might have done to not lose my wife. It feels very much like the regret you express here. You may find me if you like and ask me to share that with you, or not. I’m not proud. Humility has taught me much and the value of that lesson is enough.
I applaud your willingness to bare your soul and accept responsibility for your actions. Realizing mistakes is necessary to learn the lessons they hold for us. You have shown a desire, with this post, to grow and change as a result so there is hope for you.
Best of luck to you in this endeavor. Make a plan and execute. You may become a much better person for doing so. Applying lessons learned as we grow older is our only hope for salvation, I believe.